Broken Together

They all say love is sweet, love is patient, love is kind, love is priceless; but they never tell your  how bad it hurts when the one who is supposed to guard your heart, nature it, and take care of it happens to be the one to reap it of off your chest.

How I wish we could go back to how it used to be, to simpler times when it used to be you and me. Now we have come to a place where we act like strangers, a place where our pain, our past, all our scars and secrets came in line (our fifty shades of fucked up) became the order of the day. None of us letting the other in. Now we are broken together.

Our pride and our ego has destroyed what we used to call special. What we swore to protect no matter what came our way. We chased dreams together, building each other but it’s gonna take much more than promises this time and only God can make us whole. Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete together.

dear (possible) future husband

I am sharing this for the future Husbands and wives to be.

S.W.A.G

This is to all the men who know whats worth in a woman or should I say “they know how to respect the women in their lives”. I salute you cause I have a Man in my life who adores and respects me.

Well I can say in my search for the perfect “GENTLEMAN” I have come across some men whom I have ditched, not that they were incapable of loving but they needed some growing to do.   

1. The Man-Child: This is the man who clings to his glory days when life was less complicated and responsibility was minimal. This is the man who is going nowhere. He has no vision, he is the type of man who has problems holding onto jobs and is more interested in living the life of a fraternity brother than making serious commitments. As a woman, this is the man you ditch until he grows up a little bit and learns to live life in the real World.
2. Mr. Rovy Rovy: This is the guy who can’t keep his eyes to his woman, (skirt ikipita shingo inaturn) he ogles the waitress, the bar lady, woman at a wedding, and even his buddy’s wife making his woman feel inferior and unattractive. Women say men are dogs, they ain’t dogs but some just choose to be. Yes! You can admire a woman (and vice versa) but lets be honest here: Recognizing beauty and Disrespectfully rubbernecking are two completely different things. One thing I know I can’t do is to compete for a man’s attention. If I am your woman treat me like one cause even the most confident women want their men to treat them like they are the only one in the room.
3. Mr. Gadget: The gadget guy is always toting the latest toys for big boys. He has the hottest phone, a high-speed boat, a decked-out luxury car, and the newest Harley (for those weekend drives). In other words, this guy has a lot of material things keeping him busy. Whether he is out to impress others, or he constantly needs to trade up to feed his own ego, this guy cares more about stuff than people. (Bad sign.) With this kind of outlook, women who date Mr. Gadget are often left wondering if an upgraded model will make them obsolete.
4. Mama’s Boy: Now this is one man who makes me wanna hit the roof. You can’t make an investment without him saying he has to ask his Mama. Yes! I accept she is your mother but she can’t keep making decisions when it comes to my family. Some Mama’s Boy probably still lives with his parents in their house, allowing Mom to launder his clothes, make his bed and cook his meals. However, when a man delights in being waited on hand-and-foot by his mom, there’s trouble.Mama’s Boys expect their girlfriends to cater to them endlessly and they never understand why that would be a problem. Most women realize that instead of trying to raise the man over again, it’s better to leave the parenting to his indulgent mother.

A woman wants a man who is focused and ready for commitment. Not a lukewarm man who is one leg in and the other roaming around trying to get another better (sambaza) deal in a relationship. Women want a man who is busy trying to figure out how to make you feel comfortable, secure, happy, and loved.

Part two continues……..

With Love

C.J

Hold Me Tight

I  have been the kind of woman who has fought to stay strong even when everything around her is crumbling down. I have been my own hero for so long. I have loved and I have been broken into some tiny pieces and I have managed to stick myself with tape and glue but I can say all the heartache and that moment you feel like you want to reap your heart off your chest has been an amazing experience for in that tough moment I have known what it feels to have a good man in my life. A man I can fight and make out with, a man who can laugh at my stupid silly jokes, a man who can dance with me and wipe my tears and push me up the ladder when I get so scared of taking another step. A man who has made me forget why it never worked out with any one else in my past.

A man who has held my hand for the last 3 years, I can’t say that it has been a smooth journey but it has been an awesome experience for the two of us. Everyday has been a lesson, trying to figure each other out. This is the man who has seen me for me, he has seen me fall so many times and has held my hand and never let go of that hand. This is a man I wouldn’t want to change for I know he is not perfect and I love him with his flaws and short comings. A man I want to walk holding hands with for as long as I have breath. Never let the sun set down without solving your issues for tomorrow will be another new day with a top up layer of yesterdays anger. I love this man and I would rather fight with him that make love with anyone else. My prayer is that you hold me tight and never let go off my hand for with you I am willing to climb the mountain and go to the edge of the sea to find out if what we have is real and not a dream.

PS “Thank you for sharing your life with me”.

Mr. Right

This had me thinking the whole week after a friend of mine called me and complained about not having a man in her life and she wants someone who can be a father figure to her daughter. This is to all the Gals out there, how you gonna sit in the house and complain to me about not having a man while you spend all your days in the house acting so sweet and telling me you are waiting for Mr. Right. How is Mr. Right gonna know that you are patiently waiting for him when you can’t even reply to a very simple and harmless “Hello” from your Facebook male friend?

Yeah, I know. You have kissed a few tasteless frogs, got pregnant and they left you but you can’t dwell in that anymore. You get bruised and you pick yourself up and try again but I am not saying that you go there and pick any man that looks like a good man cause a good man is supposed to make you feel good about yourself. A good man is supposed to make you feel like you can touch the sky. A good man is supposed to respect you and know your worth and if that man you tend to think is good doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, please turn the other way and run as first as you can.

My Advice:

• Don’t Wait for Him to come to You: This doesn’t mean you are desperate for a man but if you want to find that Mr. Right, you are going to have to get out there and look for him! Don’t expect too much right away, but put yourself in a position to meet people and get to know them
• Expect to fall short a few times: Chances are you will meet a few that aren’t right for you. I know this can be disappointing but you need to understand that this isn’t failure-it’s just another step closer to Mr. Right. Don’t expect to find your soul mate on the first night.
• Think about What You want: It’s important to know what you’re looking for. While you’ve probably already spent some time considering Mr. Right’s physical attributes, what would he enjoy? What would his favorite kind of music be? Is he a funny guy?When you think about the things he would enjoy or appreciate, you may determine where to find him. By knowing what you’re looking for, you’ll determine how to find him.
• Work on Your Confidence: Men find women with confidence extremely attractive. Even if you don’t look like a supermodel, be confident with who you are and appear comfortable in your skin. If you accept and love yourself for who you are, so will Mr. Right when you find him!
• Be Who You Are: You should always be who you are. Don’t compromise your beliefs, your goals, or yourself at all in an attempt to find Mr. Right. When it truly is Mr. Right, all you will need to be is who you are.                                                                                                                                                                         Remember to be patient and realize that he will come along – probably when you least expect it and when you’re in the perfect position to be swept off your feet.

With Love

C.J

Silly Us

Now this was us last night, trying to act all silly together and we got into a dancing competition where I had to try to out do Bae. It was fun and I laughed my heart out….. just living that moment and having something to share with each other was what made me realize that I love him with everything in me even though I know he is good with salsa while someone like me I tend to dance with my two left feet.

Relationships are meant to be fun and enjoyed every other day, where you grow together taking every day like it’s the last day you have together. Get to know your partner in a more deeper way. Cook dinner for her once in a while, make a mess of everything, go out for a walk. Get to know how they feel when they are around you cause every day with them is something you can’t buy.

My advice is, go out there and act silly together. Take that road trip you have been postponing, kiss until you both run out of breath. Love like you gonna lose them and hold on to them like you are saying goodbye.

With Love

C.J

My Bae

Sometimes I ask myself, how did I get here, how did I get to the point where I can share with the world about Bae and how love has kept me twisted around its fingers? How did I get to the point where LOVE is all that made sense in my life? Well I met Bae in one of my many (mahangaiko) as he usually calls it, was in a foreign country and I didn’t know anyone apart from my colleagues and my Boss and I got to meet him with some of the few friends I had met and for me it wasn’t love at first sight, my heart was on a break from all the lies and being taken for a fool plus I have always played hard to get, thanks to my Mama who taught me to look beyond what my eyes can see.

My o my, who am I fooling! This guy fitted my kinda man list. Tall and handsome! Check. Down to earth! Check. Respectful to people! Check…….. and the list was endless but I can tell you he had passed the test (not that he knew I was doing a test on him cause I can tell a joker from a far) and he wasn’t a joker to me. He was a serious man on a serious mission to achieving his goal but the only thing we couldn’t agree on was the kind of music we both listened to. I am a Country gal and he was a Rhumba person. I didn’t even know how to dance to his kind of music and neither could he stand my kind of music, he said it sounded sad but with time we both adjusted.

Now, 4 years down the line am still learning how to dance to rhumba and get to know this stranger that I met in a foreign land where love was the last thing on my mind. Am still learning how to make him the happiest man in the World and try to walk down the valleys and clip the hills with. Am still learning how to be submissive and respectful (not that I am not) but I know I have my other side that has rough edges that needs sandpaper.

Today, I celebrate this man even in his weaknesses and short comings. I look up to him cause that’s what God made him for, to be the head and not the neck. I love you Bae, and I want to walk this walk with you till the end of the road. Now I understand why every Love song reminds me of you, why every song reminds me of how far we have come.

With Love

C.J

Crazy Love

My week has been an amazing one especially after discovering a certain country singer and oh my! His voice and music makes me wonder where did all the good men go to or rather I should ask did the good men turn into bad naughty boys on a cookie jar hunt cause most of them don’t want to commit. You mention the word COMMITMENT and off they walk out through the back door.

I don’t apologize for talking and writing about love but it’s like am high on something when it comes to love….They say love makes the world turn round but mine has me all confused and wrapped around it’s fingers. Every love song reminds me of the love that was or the love that is. It’s like a roller-coaster, trying to make a wish on something that only happens in the Disney world with the Cinderella losing her glass slipper and later the Prince turns the kingdom upside down trying to find the girl whose foot fits the glass slipper, and Snow White being woken up with a kiss from the land of the dead.

Well my Love walk hasn’t been an easy one, first of all I had to kiss all these frogs and some I wonder what on earth was I thinking, and others they were on a boat ride crossing their way to God knows where and then the others they didn’t know if they were in love or they were in a cookie jar hunt…. and finally you get to kiss the prince who doesn’t make it easier for you and doesn’t offer you everything on a silver platter.

I have been forced to learn how to love, respect, and appreciate this prince in my life. It’s not easy cause many are the times I want to slum the door on his face and then my soft side reminds me that I need to be humble and patient with him. People look at me and think I have one amazing relationship where i have everything all figured out Nope! I don’t have a simple and easy relationship with my Bae, we sometimes fall off the wagon and pick each other up no matter how hard it is cause no matter what we go through each day trying to build a life and an empire we still have love and love never felt so good and sweet.

Virtuous Woman

Our bodies are the temple of the Lord….. well Adam and Eve may have been created in the era where sin never existed and being naked in the garden of Eden was the normal thing but lately we have turned The world upside down. We want to be in the garden of Eden where exposing our bodies especially women has become the in thing. We say it’s fashion but I tend to disagree.  I don’t have to dress and expose every part of my body cause its fashion and because the designer thought the dress would look good on me cause of my curves.  I don’t have to dress in a way my cleavage is the first thing you get to notice when you first see me or show off my light skinned thighs just to show off my designer dress. I guess if my mum was to see me in such she will have to lay her hands on me and rebuke the devil out of my system.

The less I reveal the less they wonder. As a woman I prefer dressing up to something that will end up being a puzzle to the men out there. The other day men were stripping women, I do not support such acts but a man being a man he wants to see not think. You dress up half naked and he will want the other half. You present yourself as a lady and they will respect you. You present yourself with no self respect and that’s how they will treat you.

As a woman we should dress in a way that tells a man you need to up your game in order to have to want me… you need to know that I am not going to dress half naked to try and prove something to you. NO! As a woman I should walk with my head held up high with respect and dignity. As a woman I need to know that a man can look at me and know my worth and not have a man who is after what is between my legs. As a woman I need know my boundaries and that no joker is entertained in my life. As a woman I need to know that I deserve respect from a man.

As a woman I need to know the will of God in my life for He never created me as a sex symbol to attract the opposite sex but as a VIRTUOUS WOMAN…… A Virtuous woman who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. Prov 31:10

I Thought Of You…….

There isn’t a day that I dont think about you, but today I thought about you more than I did yesterday.

I thought about the day I found out I was pregnant with you….

I thought about the many cravings and the food I used to think were yack turned out to be my favorite. ..

I thought about the first time I laid my eyes on you, your tiny little fingers and toes…. you looked so beautiful….

I thought about your smile and the faces that you made every time you threw up a tantrum and I always saw a mini-me in you……

I thought about your first step and how you tried to prove to be a champ…..

I thought about your first birthday and you couldn’t blow out the candle and had to do it on your behalf…..

I thought about the things that I wanted for you, the support I was willing to give you so you can achieve your dreams…..

I thought of your last words to me, your last smile and laughter, when you looked at me for the last time, when your tiny hand slipped from mine and I couldn’t reach you…. then I thought of the WAR…. So much had been lost. The place we called home, the family we had lost, the friends we had lost. I thought of your friends. Your life was cut short, you had a long way to go and decisions to make when you were old enough. I wanted a better life for us, especially YOU but the WAR…… Just decided you didn’t deserve it.

I wanted to see you grow up and be somebody in life. I know you would have changed the World……. Now, now you are gone and never coming back. I know you are at peace but my World is empty without you.

Fare Thee Well Little Angel……

I HOPE THE WORLD IS LISTENING……

In Loving Memory….. Aylan Kurdi

With Love

C.J